Remember Surge?

Recently, whilst perusing the isles of walmart, I discovered this strange and interesting new beverage called VAULT. The tag line reads, "DRINKS LIKE A SODA, KICKS LIKE AN ENERGY DRINKtm". I was attracted to the goofy bottle design, but mostly what sold me was the fact it came only in "Litera Cola" size and it was set to an introductory price of 74 cents.



...So, as I take my first sip, I immediately recognize the taste. "Hey, this taste eerily familiar." It tasted EXACTLY like Surge. You remember Surge right? It was cocacola's lame/failed attempt to copy MountainDew. Well, any hoo, I thought surely they wouldn't, but I more closely examined the bottle to find out, "a product of The Coca-Cola Company". How freakin' lame is that?



I can just imagine how this came about, in some coked up board room some guy in a suit said, "Hey, we're really getting our butts kicked in the 'Citrus Flavored caffeinated Soda Market', and some other suit dude who fears any original thought said, "Hey, we still got cases of that Surge crap right? Why not just repackage it and through in some extra caffeine to make it more 'extreme'?" Well, "VAULT" is obviously this sick caffeinated love child of "The Corporation".

So, after uncovering this huge soda conspiracy, I took to the internet to see if people share this view point I came to. After further study I discovered, to my bewilderment, that Surge and VAULT have a huge and bizarre underground following. There are sites like THIS consisting of hardcore Surge fans, who want to bring it back, and then there are VAULT fansites like THIS that feature a Calvin character peeing on MountainDew accompanied by childish name calling and the like.

All this leads me to ask the question, is there anything in this universe that doesn't have an underground fan website? It's as if every thing has a secret little sprite dedicated to keeping it's awareness alive in the dark, until someone in the distant future questions it's existence, so that they can pop out of their spritey hole and shout from the rooftops about how yes indeed it should be there, and then backs down almost instantly.

...But, when it all comes down to it, VAULT isn't half bad. And yes in the future I will probably partake of this corporate lie of a beverage, mainly because it contains well over 200 mg of caffeine per liter. I just wish, for once, they would be clean with us and jus call it what it is, Surge with an "Extreme" amount of caffeine. I hope I have persuaded at least one person to go try it, and find out what they think about something. At least you'll know the truth.

"'See ya'."

"He wrote 'See ya' He writes like people talk!"